The Core Dump

A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures

[By Nic Lindh on Friday, 24 October 2003]

Classic from rec.humor.funny.reruns

Saw this on rec.humor.funny.reruns and thought it definitely belongs in as many places on the Internet as possible, so here goes:


Dear Dr. Laura, Thank you for doing so much to educate peopleregarding God’s law. When someone tries to defend the homosexuallifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need someadvice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and howto best follow them.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates apleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors.They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal withthis?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price forher? I also know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while sheis in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). Theproblem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women takeoffense.

Now I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligatedto kill him myself? Then, Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slavesfrom the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that thisapplies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify?

A friend of mine also feels that even though eating shellfish is anabomination (Lev. 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.I don’t agree. Can you settle this? And Lev. 20:20 states that I maynot approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I haveto admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20,or is there some wiggle room here?

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident youcan help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternaland unchanging.

[Note - reportedly written by filmmaker Michael Moore - ed.]

–From the RHF archives as selected by Brad Templeton, Maddi Hausmann andJim Griffith. This newsgroup posts former jokes from the newsgrouprec.humor.funny. Visit to browse the RHF pagesand archives on the web.

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