Rumor has it that Revenge of the Sith will be Jar-Jar free. This, more than anything else, makes me consider actually going to see it in the theater. And I seriously doubt I’m the only one to breathe a huge sigh of relief and feel A New Hope.
Perhaps I should explain: Star Wars changed my life. I was a massive fan boy, so excited about the release of episode one the wait was unbearable. And then to have the long wait rewarded by being poked in the eyeballs with the inexcusable piece of offal that was The Phantom Menace was viscerally painful. Apart from the ridiculous script and wooden acting, the main source of pain was that hopped-up retarded lizard walking around doing a step-n-fetch-it impersonation.
[Dimming lights and ominous music.] The horror, the horror.
So here’s an idea for Lucas to increase inevitable DVD sales from gargantuan to planet-crushing: Make an extended version with a gruesome death scene for Jar-Jar.
Myself, I picture some sort of intergalactic wood chipper slowly sucking lizard breath in, blood and pulped intestines splattering from the exhaust.
“Meesa hurt! Make bad machine stop!”
You could even put in a giggling Sith Lord with his finger on the switch if it helps you preserve your “Artistic Vision.”
A sci-fi and fantasy heavy installment that includes The Valedictorian of Being Dead, The Mastermind, Broadsword Calling Danny Boy, Tiamat’s Wrath, The Raven Tower, The Liberation, The Light Brigade and Cryptonomicon.
Includes The Incomplete Book of Running, Aching God, The Murderbot Diaries, Lies Sleeping, The Consuming Fire, and Rendezvous with Rama.
Did you know Las Vegas is kind of nutty?
Includes Hollywood Dead, Tales from the Loop, Things from the Flood, The Court of Broken Knives, and Port of Shadows.
Nic has a retinal tear and has his vision is saved by a laser.
Includes The Storm Before the Storm, White Trash, Calypso, Tell the Machine Goodnight, Prince of Fools, and Provenance.
The Internet tells Nic to install Ubiquiti gear in his house, so he does, and now he has thoughts.