The countdown has begun

Well, technically, the madness doesn’t really begin until Friday, November 26–the feared-by-retail-staff Black Friday when an understimulated populace seeks to heal the wounds re-opened by liquor-fueled family arguments about who ruined whose life at what age by storming stores at ungodly hours–but today marks One Month Until Christmas.

So warm up your credit cards and disappear into a frenzy of stress and angst as you attempt to recreate your own childhood Christmas memories for the next generation of Prozac eaters.

Beep beep–wait, hold on… Ah, sorry about that. That was the non-denominational police. Strike all mentions of the word “Christmas” above and replace with “Winter Holiday”. Oops.

Shoot, now I have to report to non-denominational training camp on November 26, so I’ll miss the consumer frenzy. Bummer, that.