The Core Dump

A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures

[By Nic Lindh on Tuesday, 23 April 2013]

OK then, Mr. Gekko

Nic is tired of tech sites obsessing over Apple’s financials and business strategy. So very tired.

I’ve been a big nerd for a long time, and I care about technology, Lord help me I do, despite all my best attempts to wean myself. I’m the kind of guy who tells myself at the release of each new glass-fronted rectangle or sadistically shaped handle that this one I’ll pass on. Not getting my money this time. And sometimes that works. And sometimes I end up filling Apple’s coffers after twitching at night for a while.

(No, no, Jony, you’re right—making the handles on this 40 pound Mac Pro razor sharp clearly continues the lines in a pleasing manner. Yes, obviously, if somebody can afford a Power Mac, they can afford gloves. You know who can’t? Dickensian orphans! Ahahaha.)

So, I care about the products Apple releases. And I care about Apple’s business results in that I would prefer the company to not go bankrupt or teeter along the horrific edge enough that Wired magazine feels it appropriate to armchair quarterback the company with hilarious results again.

But I also don’t care about the day-to-day of Apple’s stock price or which analyst wins the complete yobbo competition on which day or, and above all, I don’t give a shit what anybody who isn’t a C-level Apple person thinks Apple should do.

Do. Not. Care. You. Deluded. Prick.

I mean, it’s nice for you that you’ve managed to inflate your ego to the point where you think Tim Cook and his entourage cares what you think, or that you’re laying the groundwork for your rise to power once people see the strength of your strategic monetized synergistic solution-driven thinking about the future of the television space which Appple clearly must occupy.

(I know, I know; those were not great. I just can’t even parody that perversion of English known as business speak with any conviction anymore.)

Or that your Grand Theory of What Apple Must Do Or It Is Doooooooomed! will garner enough page views that you can roll around naked in Google Adwords credits. I don’t know. And I don’t care.

I just know that I enjoy reading about Apple’s products, but apart from a nod that “Everything’s still above water,” I really don’t care about Apple’s financials—nor anybody else’s financials. I do not have an MBA.

For me personally, all I’d like is to be able to read news about Apple’s products without being periodically inundated with news about Apple’s financiazzzzzzzzzzz and the morons who believe their ideas will allow them to oust Tim Cook from his perch.

It’s apparently a lot to ask.

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