A pseudo-diary attempt at describing what the weather in Sweden is like, month by month. We’ll start with the good stuff, i.e. summer:
It’s finally warm enough to be outside! And outside we shall be. There shall be the drinking of the coffee, the eating of the lunch and the grilling of the meat, and it shall happen outside! The country is green and the temperature is, well, temperate, and we shall enjoy it. Oh, holy shit, drinking this coffee on the patio is sublime. Sure, it rains a lot and the wind is relentless, but we can be outside. So, lets.
Damn, it gets even better. It’s all green. There was a day or two when I was able to go shirtless. Shirtless! It rains a bit, and there’s still a bit of wind, and the clouds are hovering over me like they’re Stasi agents, but what the hell. I am living outside! My skin has tasted the sun! I am invincible! I am also on vacation and drunk.
Rain. Yes, we have plenty of that. And it’s getting colder. But it’s still bright outside. And now we shall eat crawfish with lights in the trees. Because it is starting to get a bit, you know, dark. Still nice, we can still eat outside as long as we wear appropriate clothing and don’t mind the wind. Still green. Everything is cool. We’re not going to suffer. It’s a beautiful country. The best. And crawfish!
Well, seems the sun is setting earlier now and the sunrise seems to be happening later. Also, this wind is getting a bit tiresome and cold. So, shorts and t-shirts are right out. Put them away for next summer. The sunglasses are still in play, though. There will surely be days when the sun will come out and I will need them. It hasn’t happened for a while, but it could, right? Also, is it supposed to be this cold? I kind of thought we had this deal where I could drink my morning coffee outside? Just checking. Because I basically need to wrap myself in a sleeping bag to be able to do that now.
Whoa! That escalated quickly! It is dark now. And holy crap, the rain! I’m not quite sure what’s happening, but I know there used to be a golden orb in the sky and I liked seeing it but it is gone now. But, well … sigh … all this rain surely must be good for the plants.
The rain got weaponized. Holy shit. It hurts now. Horizontal rain with an anger management problem. The sun is gone. I have vague memories of it and think it was my friend. For now, it’s the horizontal angry rain and the temperature that’s dropping to freezing. The trees are bare. They clearly aren’t impressed with this. Even though they got all that rain which I was told would make them happy.
Yay, Christmas! The lights are nice, since without them it’s pitch effing black. I’m not sure I have eyes anymore except when I see an advent light through the bitter rain. Why do we exist? Why is there life? Wait! It’s snowing! The world has a shape again! Man, good times. Oh, shit, the snow melted and all is dark again. Hey, the snow is back and it’s so beautiful—can’t believe I ever complained. This Christmas will be the best ever! The happiness! Man, it melted again. Merry effing Christmas kids! Hope you like rain. And dark.
It’s cold. So effing cold. And dark. Saw the sun once, I think. That was pretty great. Don’t think it’s supposed to be bleached white and barely above the tree tops, but whatever, I’m pretty sure it was the sun. Now it’s raining. It always rains. Skeletons of trees in the rain. Oh, hey, it’s snowing. That’s great. Now we can see. Oh shit, the sun is bright! I should go skiing. Oh, hey, it’s raining. All the snow turned to slush. Dirt. Dirt everywhere. And so, so cold.
Well, good, we got snow and it’s staying. I can’t remember why I wanted snow in the first place. I haven’t seen the sun for months. I don’t have a shadow. My skin is see-through and blue veins are showing. I remember having dreams and hopes. There’s more snow. I can’t get my car out to go to work. At least it’s brighter now with the snow. It’s not as dark as it could be. The snow is good. The snow is good. The snow is good. I faceplanted on black ice today. It hurt.
I remember hope. I remember love. I remember the smell of a woman. But these are all fading. The snow and dark, it consumes all.
The sun! It is back! O warming globe, let me worship you! Horizontal rain pelting us for our sins. The darkness is returning with the melting of the snow. Sun. Rain. Did not see this coming: a blizzard. All is covered in snow. And now it’s raining. And the wind shears your skin. But, hey, it’s getting more light.
So summer is coming, right? I mean, this isn’t Westeros, right? Rain. Wind. The rain is horizontal and wants to pluck the skin from your bones. But it is indeed getting brighter. Only a bit of snow in the ditches now. Dirty, foul snow, but confined to the shadows as all instruments of evil shall be. Dirty, dirty snow. Filthy. And now, rain. So cold in the warming light.
Well, hello, Summer. The winds continue. The winds do not fear your God. The rains come as they wish. The clouds remain a reminder that all good things can be taken from you. But you are free to eat outside. You are free to gaze upon the greenery that exudes from the country side so eager to shove a giant finger at the face of winter.
And then, it repeats.
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